Studies on…FAILURE

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Day 12.

Here, it is raining and the clouds are heavily hanging over the city. It was hard to make myself courage to open the notebook and write. Because it is human to have a lack of motivation sometimes, to allow yourself to get rid of the feeling of urgency in your life. How was your morning? I am going to steal from you a couple of minutes to talk about FAILURE today.

We all hate failing. We feel incapable, powerless, miserable. The world closes its doors all of a sudden. We look in the mirror and see an enemy, and so we start throwing restlessly hate to the person watching us back, the person who is just not good enough. To ourselves.

What does failure mean? My optimistic side would call it an experience (Oh, God knows what an EXPERIENCE!) that one must live in order to become a better version of oneself. A stage that , if you get through and over it, you will re-find your commitment towards that goal, you get out of it braver, and so getting closer to fulfilling you dream. But the struggle is not at all against the positive side. It would be too simple. Because when you fail, you are broken into pieces, you heart is falling apart and you self-esteem is trembling on the edge of insanity. Failure is slamming you down, steals away your smile and leaves you naked and cold. That is my negative way of seeing the failure. And it is fine.

But let me tell you what I have learnt. After years and years of simply letting myself being knocked down and afterwards abandoning my dreams from the first, maximum the second “No!”, I became empty, without any dreams, which meant the impossibility to experience failure. I was failing at relationships, failing at avoiding superficiality, failing at life or decisions. I WAS FAILING AT MYSELF. And I thoroughly realised that the entire adversity that failure brings in life becomes hard to handle only when there is the essential brick missing, the TRUST IN LIFE, TRUST IN OURSELVES. Because if we genuinely believed that all is the way it should be, that there is a parable in this story of failing that we must transform to our advantage, we would enjoy being left naked so we can dress up new clothes, more fresh, wrapped up in pure beauty. The clothes that are meant for our body and spirit.

I have started to accept failure as friend who tells me when I went out of the path I am supposed to be. And every time after the battle against the negativity that my mind serves me when I fail, I win. I look at my heart and listen to it. Because it knows the best whether I should keep on going or not. I have discovered my strongest weapon, my own heart, the power of feeling.

Failure is indeed just a kick in ass meant to bring you the true meaning, it is your test at the end of every chapter which helps you realise if your dream holds, if it is still the desire of your soul being expressed into the world. We all fail, but there will always be enough power within yourself to pass the re-take exam and transform your life.

How do you treat failures in your life, my dear reader? I want to learn from you.
See you tomorrow,
Paula

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